Bunnies and Fairies and Warlocks, Oh My!

Goodness, it's been quite a while since I've posted anything....

I received my initiation into the Unnamed Path in early March, and that has been....quite an experience.  Suffice to say, that I'm feeling a -whole- lot more plugged in than I ever have before, to a number of things, and it is both exhausting and energizing at once.  Now I am involved in learning to teach the path as well.  I look forward to watching and helping the next round of men come into our little brotherhood, and am immensely honored to be able to do so.

As I work on deepening and exploring my path, I am finding myself drawn back to basic practices again, and though there was some initial resistance to it, I am glad I've started to do it again.  For a while after my initiation my world was in one upheaval or another, and I feel like I'm just now dragging myself up by the collar and setting my feet back on the ground.  From helping my friend in the aftermath of his apartment fire, through a rather protracted cold, to finally being completely out to my parents...this has been an eventful couple of months.

It's really hard to believe it's only been two months.

At any rate.  I'm struggling right now with work, and with this lingering feeling of being stifled, and smothered.  Amusingly enough, I just did a Tarot reading for myself, around where I am now, and what should come up but the 9 of swords for the spot about my spirit or fate.  This is...not acceptable to me.  So now I'm going to work on remedying that.  Some of that, I suspect, is my unwillingness to let go of some of the petty shit I find myself dealing with on a nearly daily basis at my job, which is definitely stealing a lot of the joy I had about it.  I let myself get too wound up in the drama, and too intimately involved with the personalities of my co-workers.  That's going to have to change.  So I'm going to start the process of disentangling myself, and just focus on doing my job and let other people focus on doing theirs.

Something else that I've been watching is the recent eruption of several sources of drama and contention in the Pagan community.  Granted, these are largely only things that affect me through friends and loved ones that I see embroiled in this, but it's in my nature to try and jump in to help those I care about.

I have seen this ongoing argument about who is a "true" pagan and who isn't, and to be painfully honest, it bores me to tears.  I don't give two flying goat-fucks about who thinks what I do is or is not valid.  As long as it works for me, then it does.  I don't feel that anyone else has the right to tell me I'm "doing it wrong."  This is something that I do agree with from certain...contentious corners.  HOWEVER, I also believe that it is not right and proper to label myself a certain brand of Pagan if I am not in fact adhering to the rites and rituals and practices of that path.  I am not a Wiccan.  I do not practice Wicca.  I do NOT believe in the three-fold law, or the Rede.  Certainly much less now than I used to.  It is not okay to call oneself something that one isn't - trying to seek validity is quite possibly the most futile and useless thing a pagan can do.  Who CARES if some initiated muckety muck thinks that your practice of magic and spirituality is less valid because it doesn't mirror their own?  You will never convince them of it's validity, and trying to change their mind ultimately detracts from the whole POINT of this weird (wyrd?) Pagan path we're on...to, y'know, grow and evolve ourselves, to be more OURSELVES.  Anyone can practise a path without being initiated formally into the tradition.  If you do the Work, and it's Working for you, then you're doing it.  But you can't claim to be an initiate, and claiming to be from an 'ancient and venerable family tradition' just makes you seem like...well, like a fluffy bunny.  Which is a term that I just ADORE, by the way.  Everyone starts out as a fluffy bunny.  The world is full of love and light and we must stick ONLY to the right hand path because to do anything is is just naughty and the Mighty Silver Goddess will frown at us and perhaps we shall be reincarnated into lesser beings!  Oh NOES.

Sorry, excuse my venom. :D  Seriously though...Sufficient magical and spiritual practice and inner work, shadow work, self-healing will educate almost ANYONE regardless of fluffiness.  And I hate to break it to you, Princess Amberglow Moonfyre RavenLyte, but you can claim to be a reincarnated fairy princess with half-dragon half-vampyre half-unicorn half-elf, and I will still think of you as WHOLLY fluffy.  But hey, if it works for you, then what do you care if I think you're insane.  Don't let my utter dismissal and/or contempt stop you from continuing your search for Truth - and don't bother trying to change my mind.

I do not take myself seriously.  I am a Shaman and a Magician and a Warlock (thank you Storm Faerywolf for that SUPERB article, by the way) and I am, ultimately, myself.  And I don't give a boggart's left asscheek whether anyone else thinks I am or not.

Lions and Tigers and Psychics Oh My!

This weekend was kind of a blur for me.

Got off work early on Friday, went home and took a nap for a few hours, then bought more Magic cards and got to work with those.
Saturday I finally got contacted by T, and she, her husband, and another of their friends came to pick me up.  We went to lunch at Fadi's here in Houston, and it was actually really tasty.  Then we went back to their house, where T's husband conked out on the couch, and she and I went upstairs to play dress-up.
Yeah, I know.
But in all seriousness, we were gearing up for that night.  I got to go read Tarot cards for the Glass Slipper Gala at the Alley Theater.  It was SOOOO much fun.  I was totally rocking this Adam Lambert-goes-to-Ren-Faire thing.  With ginormous butterfly wings.  I read cards and flirted, though I didn't get any numbers or anything.  It was so great to be able to get back into doing readings like that again.  I felt like I'd run a marathon after I was done, though. Thankfully I have People for that...the Light God and I were having conversations all night.
"I've got nothing."
"She's blocking you.  Here. *tweak*"
"Holy crap. <finish reading, girl bursts into tears>  It'll be okay honey.  Have a better evening!"

"This woman is drunk, and obviously in an emotionally fragile state.  I've made one girl cry, I'm not running another off a balcony."
"Look I just give you the message.  You don't want to convey it, that's all you."

Ultimately, I was exhausted emotionally and physically, but really mentally energized, and VERY much psychically WIDE OPEN.  I didn't really get that to shut back down to 'normal' until this morning.  And even then I can tell that I'm still more open that I normally am.

And really I'm okay with that.

I've been doing a lot of work on making myself ready to allow love into my life.  I deleted all the pictures of the last cute guy off my phone; actually, all of the pictures of guys off my phone, and off both computers.  I spoke to M, who I still had feelings for, and finally got him to say that he felt that we should be friends right now.  Now I have all this extra energy, so I've been running that as suggested by Sphinx.  It's actually a really good-weird feeling, feeling like I'm running on full throttle, until I get everything sort of equalized.  Then I am still running stronger, but there's no strain, it's just more smoothly flowing energy.  When I get home tonight I'm getting my room clean and doing journeywork.  I need to talk to some People more face to face.  I've slipped back into the habit of falling asleep when I try and travel if I do it in my bed, and that's not going to work.

Now I really just need to do it and to catch up on my rest.