Wednesday, October 13, 2010

Yet another project...

Because I don't have enough to do already, I'm going to try my hand at this journalling/blogging thing again.  Not that there's that much that happens in my life that's exciting but...perhaps it will be cathartic.

As many things tend to do, this starts because of an irritation.
I'm gay.  Have been my whole life, and in a couple of previous lives.  Yes, I'm also one of those tree-hugging dirt-worshipping Pagans.  Anyway.  A major source of irritation, angst, and anger in my life is always having people tell me that I'm not _____ enough.  Not skinny enough, not well-endowed enough, not masculine enough, not feminist enough...the list goes on.  Since coming out, one of the things I keep running into is that people think I'm not GAY enough.  I haven't seen this movie or that musical, I don't like this artist or that singer...blah blah blah.  And I know that some people just think they're being twee, but honestly it's really really starting to piss me off.

Here's the deal.  No, I have never seen Victor Victoria.  I'm not particularly interested in seeing it to begin with, but being told that I have to see it so I can be really gay makes me even less likely to see it. 
I don't like a LOT of musicals.  I love Wicked, I love RENT...that's really pretty close to it, and I like them because of other themes (And Idina Menzel's voice is one I can -almost- match)... I don't like Barbara or Cher or Liza, I'm not particularly a fan of Madonna, and I love Bette Midler as an actress far more than as a songstress.  I don't particularly care for fashion or foreign film or interior decorating.  What makes me gay is not any of these things.  And I love Judy, the Wizard of Oz, and glitter.  I love fruity drinks, and jewelry.  But I don't like these things because I'm gay.  I like them because I like them. 

What makes me gay is the fact that I love men.  No, engaging in sex with men does not necessarily make one gay.  But I want to have intimate, engaging relationships with men.  My heart reacts differently for men than for women.  That's what makes me gay.  And frankly I resent anyone telling me that because I don't fit this one particular mold that I'm not gay enough.  Maybe not for you, but that's your issue, not mine.  I'm plenty gay for me.

I'm a mule-headed sort of person, and being told that in order to 'qualify' as something I already know I am I have to do/watch/like/not do something, I will dig my heels in deep.  I've been like that my whole life.

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