So here we are again... A year has gone by since my initiation into the Unnamed Path. I've been student-teaching under Hyperion, in preparation for actually taking my own students.
Life has been a trip this year. 2011 can kiss my ass - even February of this year was pretty rough. But I now have a vehicle, and will be moving up to northwest Houston with my best friends...I'm really looking forward to actually seeing them more - it's been weird not seeing them for months at a time when I all-but lived with them for almost 4 years. We have even more in common now, as they're currently taking Hyperion's course as well.
I'm also dating a wonderful guy, who makes me sickeningly happy, and who I do not get to spend NEARLY enough time with.
Life on the Pagan front has been mostly spent with my student-teacher class, and my studying Anderson Feri under Storm Faerywolf. I missed Pantheacon this year, so I didn't get to experience any of the awesomeness OR the drama. I'm starting to feel a pull to go back to CMA again, which feels really odd...but I think part of it is the desire to actually teach a workshop out there that's about more than, y'know, the sacredness of the God-dess...Wicca 101 is a little old. :D We'll see how that goes, though.
Wednesday, March 14, 2012
Sunday, May 1, 2011
Bunnies and Fairies and Warlocks, Oh My!
Goodness, it's been quite a while since I've posted anything....
I received my initiation into the Unnamed Path in early March, and that has been....quite an experience. Suffice to say, that I'm feeling a -whole- lot more plugged in than I ever have before, to a number of things, and it is both exhausting and energizing at once. Now I am involved in learning to teach the path as well. I look forward to watching and helping the next round of men come into our little brotherhood, and am immensely honored to be able to do so.
As I work on deepening and exploring my path, I am finding myself drawn back to basic practices again, and though there was some initial resistance to it, I am glad I've started to do it again. For a while after my initiation my world was in one upheaval or another, and I feel like I'm just now dragging myself up by the collar and setting my feet back on the ground. From helping my friend in the aftermath of his apartment fire, through a rather protracted cold, to finally being completely out to my parents...this has been an eventful couple of months.
It's really hard to believe it's only been two months.
At any rate. I'm struggling right now with work, and with this lingering feeling of being stifled, and smothered. Amusingly enough, I just did a Tarot reading for myself, around where I am now, and what should come up but the 9 of swords for the spot about my spirit or fate. This is...not acceptable to me. So now I'm going to work on remedying that. Some of that, I suspect, is my unwillingness to let go of some of the petty shit I find myself dealing with on a nearly daily basis at my job, which is definitely stealing a lot of the joy I had about it. I let myself get too wound up in the drama, and too intimately involved with the personalities of my co-workers. That's going to have to change. So I'm going to start the process of disentangling myself, and just focus on doing my job and let other people focus on doing theirs.
Something else that I've been watching is the recent eruption of several sources of drama and contention in the Pagan community. Granted, these are largely only things that affect me through friends and loved ones that I see embroiled in this, but it's in my nature to try and jump in to help those I care about.
I have seen this ongoing argument about who is a "true" pagan and who isn't, and to be painfully honest, it bores me to tears. I don't give two flying goat-fucks about who thinks what I do is or is not valid. As long as it works for me, then it does. I don't feel that anyone else has the right to tell me I'm "doing it wrong." This is something that I do agree with from certain...contentious corners. HOWEVER, I also believe that it is not right and proper to label myself a certain brand of Pagan if I am not in fact adhering to the rites and rituals and practices of that path. I am not a Wiccan. I do not practice Wicca. I do NOT believe in the three-fold law, or the Rede. Certainly much less now than I used to. It is not okay to call oneself something that one isn't - trying to seek validity is quite possibly the most futile and useless thing a pagan can do. Who CARES if some initiated muckety muck thinks that your practice of magic and spirituality is less valid because it doesn't mirror their own? You will never convince them of it's validity, and trying to change their mind ultimately detracts from the whole POINT of this weird (wyrd?) Pagan path we're on...to, y'know, grow and evolve ourselves, to be more OURSELVES. Anyone can practise a path without being initiated formally into the tradition. If you do the Work, and it's Working for you, then you're doing it. But you can't claim to be an initiate, and claiming to be from an 'ancient and venerable family tradition' just makes you seem like...well, like a fluffy bunny. Which is a term that I just ADORE, by the way. Everyone starts out as a fluffy bunny. The world is full of love and light and we must stick ONLY to the right hand path because to do anything is is just naughty and the Mighty Silver Goddess will frown at us and perhaps we shall be reincarnated into lesser beings! Oh NOES.
Sorry, excuse my venom. :D Seriously though...Sufficient magical and spiritual practice and inner work, shadow work, self-healing will educate almost ANYONE regardless of fluffiness. And I hate to break it to you, Princess Amberglow Moonfyre RavenLyte, but you can claim to be a reincarnated fairy princess with half-dragon half-vampyre half-unicorn half-elf, and I will still think of you as WHOLLY fluffy. But hey, if it works for you, then what do you care if I think you're insane. Don't let my utter dismissal and/or contempt stop you from continuing your search for Truth - and don't bother trying to change my mind.
I do not take myself seriously. I am a Shaman and a Magician and a Warlock (thank you Storm Faerywolf for that SUPERB article, by the way) and I am, ultimately, myself. And I don't give a boggart's left asscheek whether anyone else thinks I am or not.
I received my initiation into the Unnamed Path in early March, and that has been....quite an experience. Suffice to say, that I'm feeling a -whole- lot more plugged in than I ever have before, to a number of things, and it is both exhausting and energizing at once. Now I am involved in learning to teach the path as well. I look forward to watching and helping the next round of men come into our little brotherhood, and am immensely honored to be able to do so.
As I work on deepening and exploring my path, I am finding myself drawn back to basic practices again, and though there was some initial resistance to it, I am glad I've started to do it again. For a while after my initiation my world was in one upheaval or another, and I feel like I'm just now dragging myself up by the collar and setting my feet back on the ground. From helping my friend in the aftermath of his apartment fire, through a rather protracted cold, to finally being completely out to my parents...this has been an eventful couple of months.
It's really hard to believe it's only been two months.
At any rate. I'm struggling right now with work, and with this lingering feeling of being stifled, and smothered. Amusingly enough, I just did a Tarot reading for myself, around where I am now, and what should come up but the 9 of swords for the spot about my spirit or fate. This is...not acceptable to me. So now I'm going to work on remedying that. Some of that, I suspect, is my unwillingness to let go of some of the petty shit I find myself dealing with on a nearly daily basis at my job, which is definitely stealing a lot of the joy I had about it. I let myself get too wound up in the drama, and too intimately involved with the personalities of my co-workers. That's going to have to change. So I'm going to start the process of disentangling myself, and just focus on doing my job and let other people focus on doing theirs.
Something else that I've been watching is the recent eruption of several sources of drama and contention in the Pagan community. Granted, these are largely only things that affect me through friends and loved ones that I see embroiled in this, but it's in my nature to try and jump in to help those I care about.
I have seen this ongoing argument about who is a "true" pagan and who isn't, and to be painfully honest, it bores me to tears. I don't give two flying goat-fucks about who thinks what I do is or is not valid. As long as it works for me, then it does. I don't feel that anyone else has the right to tell me I'm "doing it wrong." This is something that I do agree with from certain...contentious corners. HOWEVER, I also believe that it is not right and proper to label myself a certain brand of Pagan if I am not in fact adhering to the rites and rituals and practices of that path. I am not a Wiccan. I do not practice Wicca. I do NOT believe in the three-fold law, or the Rede. Certainly much less now than I used to. It is not okay to call oneself something that one isn't - trying to seek validity is quite possibly the most futile and useless thing a pagan can do. Who CARES if some initiated muckety muck thinks that your practice of magic and spirituality is less valid because it doesn't mirror their own? You will never convince them of it's validity, and trying to change their mind ultimately detracts from the whole POINT of this weird (wyrd?) Pagan path we're on...to, y'know, grow and evolve ourselves, to be more OURSELVES. Anyone can practise a path without being initiated formally into the tradition. If you do the Work, and it's Working for you, then you're doing it. But you can't claim to be an initiate, and claiming to be from an 'ancient and venerable family tradition' just makes you seem like...well, like a fluffy bunny. Which is a term that I just ADORE, by the way. Everyone starts out as a fluffy bunny. The world is full of love and light and we must stick ONLY to the right hand path because to do anything is is just naughty and the Mighty Silver Goddess will frown at us and perhaps we shall be reincarnated into lesser beings! Oh NOES.
Sorry, excuse my venom. :D Seriously though...Sufficient magical and spiritual practice and inner work, shadow work, self-healing will educate almost ANYONE regardless of fluffiness. And I hate to break it to you, Princess Amberglow Moonfyre RavenLyte, but you can claim to be a reincarnated fairy princess with half-dragon half-vampyre half-unicorn half-elf, and I will still think of you as WHOLLY fluffy. But hey, if it works for you, then what do you care if I think you're insane. Don't let my utter dismissal and/or contempt stop you from continuing your search for Truth - and don't bother trying to change my mind.
I do not take myself seriously. I am a Shaman and a Magician and a Warlock (thank you Storm Faerywolf for that SUPERB article, by the way) and I am, ultimately, myself. And I don't give a boggart's left asscheek whether anyone else thinks I am or not.
Wednesday, December 29, 2010
A certain pattern...
At long last my life is starting to settle down out of the holiday bustle, which is largely imposed on me by others. This is a particularly exhausting time of year for me, and I suspect that only some of it is the rushing about I invariably have to do every year. As my spiritual practise has been deepening, I'm beginning to realize a much closer connection to the Sun that I really understood as a BabyPagan. Not that I don't love the Moon. The Sun and I have always had a love-hate relationship. I burn to a crisp every summer because of my fair Irish skin, unless I slather myself in SPF 90, which keeps me quite pale. But I love to watch motes of dust drifting through a sunbeam, and much like a cat, I do love finding a sunny spot to nap in, provided it's not in my eyes. As I work with the gods of the Unnamed Path, and especially as my relationship with the Light God deepens, I find myself missing the sunlight. I'm more and more tired in the evenings, and especially so as the year has waned. This is very strange for me, because no matter what my work schedule is I'm usually such a night person.
I'm struggling through my spiritual practise right now, through a feeling of lethargy and sluggish energy. I'll get through it - I always do. Right now my focus is on completing the half-done tasks all around me, and continuing to commune with my People. For now that will have to do.
I'm struggling through my spiritual practise right now, through a feeling of lethargy and sluggish energy. I'll get through it - I always do. Right now my focus is on completing the half-done tasks all around me, and continuing to commune with my People. For now that will have to do.
Monday, December 13, 2010
Maddening Cthulhumass to all, and to all, a Good Night!
I crocheted myself a little amigurumi Cthulhu this weekend, to sit on my monitor at work and remind me that no matter how crazy my job may be, it can always be just a little more insane. ;)
Isn't he cute?
In other news, I'm preparing for my trip to Pantheacon little by little, and also starting the process of paring down my belongings for my eventual move this coming summer. I have too much stuff! So some of it's got to go.
I'm almost finished with my Doctor Who scarf, only have a foot or so left; it's just been a challenge to motivate myself to FINISH it. It's actually cold here now, though, so I have a little more motivation.
 |
| Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn |
Isn't he cute?
In other news, I'm preparing for my trip to Pantheacon little by little, and also starting the process of paring down my belongings for my eventual move this coming summer. I have too much stuff! So some of it's got to go.
I'm almost finished with my Doctor Who scarf, only have a foot or so left; it's just been a challenge to motivate myself to FINISH it. It's actually cold here now, though, so I have a little more motivation.
Wednesday, December 8, 2010
Friday, December 3, 2010
Nice v. Good
I've never claimed to be a nice person. I can be spiteful, vindictive, passive-aggressive, catty, and cutting. I dislike children and refuse to respect people based solely on their age. I am irritable, demanding, and a little high-maintenance from time to time. I am also a cynic. I almost always see the glass half-empty.
No, I'm not a nice person.
But I do help out my friends and family, I do give people I care about the benefit of the doubt. To those I am close to I am generous to a fault with. Am I altruistic? No. The plight of children in Africa does not move me. But if a friend is suffering because his family is treating him like shit, I'll be there for him. When a friend is miserable in his job, I will be there to support him and to encourage him to find something that makes him happy.
Even when people I care about say things to me that hurt my feelings, I will still care about them.
And even though there have been a few notable exceptions to the rules, they are just exceptions.
No, I'm not a nice person.
But I do help out my friends and family, I do give people I care about the benefit of the doubt. To those I am close to I am generous to a fault with. Am I altruistic? No. The plight of children in Africa does not move me. But if a friend is suffering because his family is treating him like shit, I'll be there for him. When a friend is miserable in his job, I will be there to support him and to encourage him to find something that makes him happy.
Even when people I care about say things to me that hurt my feelings, I will still care about them.
And even though there have been a few notable exceptions to the rules, they are just exceptions.
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
Thoughts on the Holiday season
This falls under the heading of Everything I Know About Magic I Learned From Granny Weatherwax…
I tend to be a groaner and an eye-roller this time of year. The tie-ins to Christianity don’t particularly bother me, but the focus on gross commercialism really does. Because I tend to be what most people would consider a humbug, it should come as very little surprise that I don’t believe in Santa Claus.
I never have. Mom and Dad had that conversation with me at a very early age, and I was the kid who got in trouble for telling the other kids there was no Santa Claus. There wasn’t any malice in it; I was just a very honest child.
My friend, who is in his 30’s, does believe in Santa. Now, I’m all for to-each-his-own, but I do expect the same courtesy. When an off-handed comment turns into a heated magico-religious debate, there’s obviously a miscommunication somewhere.
Suffice to say, I don’t understand how practicing magic and working with gods and goddesses means that I should believe in Santa.
The thing is, I don’t believe in magic, or in pagan gods. I don’t have to believe in them. I’ve experienced them. You believe in something you’ve never had experience with. I’ve experienced the workings of magic, and I’ve experienced, quite viscerally if not physically, gods. I’ve never experienced anything that would lead me to think that there’s a fat guy in a sleigh drawn by deer all over the world in a night. I have experienced gravity, and wind-drag, and running into a wall. The experience of all these things only reinforces the dis-belief in Santa.
Do we believe that the Sun will rise in the east(ish) every day? No. We have experienced that it has risen every day and so we expect that it will do the same. You can believe that it’ll rise in the west, or not at all, and that doesn’t make it so.
What do you think? Does it make me less of a magical person that I don’t share the worldview that “If you just BELIEVE, anything can happen?”
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